


Endless

by tumblrqueen



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan Fluff, Captain Swan - Freeform, F/M, Feels, Heartache, Love, cs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 11:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3487025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumblrqueen/pseuds/tumblrqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Captain Swan fanfiction. Peter Pans curse has transported all of storybrooke residents, except Henry and Emma, back to the enchanted forest. We all know what the charmings and regina were doing, but except the Jolly Roger episode we dont have a clue as to what hook was upto and how he found Emma.<br/>what if the memory potion didn't work on Emma. Would Hook find another way to win Emmas heart? Or would she continue to live without her memories?  I.e after season 3 mid - season finale )<br/>Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Killian rubbed his eyes, groaned and got out of his rather messy bed. By now he was used to waking up to the swaying of the cabin he was currently residing in. 

After changing his clothes (he usually chose to wear his leather coat, about every day, accompanied by a red vest) he made his way to the front deck to check on the morning duties of his crew. He automatically cringed while passing the point exclusively reserved for those condemned to walk the plank and his mind immediately went back to a night that took place a few months ago. His memory had faded over time but the crystal clear quality of his regret hadn't. He was standing rather haughtily next to a young red headed girl who was pleading with him to spare the life of his rival- Black beard. He recalled with a painful stab of guilt how he practically pushed the man into the depths of the sea and watched the girl crumble before him, losing all hope of finding her beloved. 

"You're a coward! You're selfish, and you're heartless. And that is what will bring you wasted years and endless torment. You'll never be happy." she had cried before departing his ship. 

He walked around his ship, lost in thought, carrying with himself the empty feeling that never dispatched itself from him after leaving storybrooke. After leaving her.

"Aye- you call that cleaning? Scrub the sail faster or you'll find yourself scrubbing the seafloor."

Mr. Smee flinched at the threat and began scrubbing vigorously.

Hook continued his walk around the jolly roger, having his crew greet him half heartedly and immediately continuing their tasks on the mere sight of him. 

The jolly roger was not the same after he returned. He had tried so hard to resume his life the way it was before he got himself entangled in the whole business of working with the charmings. It was simple. There were no bloody complications, no moral responsibilities, just living in the free lane, able to do whatever the hell he wanted. But most of all, he missed how his constant pursuit of revenge made up for the hole in his heart. And now, with neither love or revenge to sate his being, his life had lost meaning. Every day he woke up to the pain in his chest for not having Emma in his life anymore. For not being able to show her that he could be the man she wanted, that he could change, he could be more than just a pirate for her. But he failed, and now she was gone from his life forever and every day seemed like a burden to bear. His life felt dull and without purpose, gambling and drinking had lost its pleasure and he felt that he might lose his mind if he did not see Emma one more time. 

The fact that he had no idea whether she returned his feelings made the situation even worse. It drove him utterly mad to think about never finding out if the woman of his dreams even loved him back and that he was not even given the chance to have a future with her, to try to win her over. And he would never know. Because she would spend the rest of her life with his memory wiped from her mind, and he would go through the torture that was his life. And there was no stop to this misery. Love truly does bring nothing but wasted years and endless torment.

And so he continued with his life, dragging himself through the days, with his heavy heart weighing him down, trying to lose his grief by indulging in shallow activities that had lost their charm. In his opinion, there was nothing worse than living without hope of a better life ahead and his spirit could not find any way to relight again. That is, until the day he got the letter. 

It was one of those days when he felt that life was not worth living, and every moment was condensed with agony. His curiousity wasn't even aroused when he saw a giant white bird soaring towards his ship with a piece of parchment tied around its feathery neck. 

"Go away now!" He snapped as the bird landed on his shoulder.

"I... I think he has a message c..captain." Mr. Smee stuttered behind him. After detaching the message he shooed the bird away asked for privacy from his crew. 

The letter was not addressed from anyone, which was rather odd . As he began reading the letter, he felt an unfamiliar sensation in his stomach and his heart began fluttering inside his chest. The letter was short but enough to revive his spirits. He felt adrenaline rush through his veins and for once, after leaving storybrooke, he felt alive and his purpose restored.

The letter spoke of a new curse coming, (really they should think up new methods to bring about misery by now) and he was instructed to outrun the curse, find Emma and give her the memory potion that was attached to the letter. He laughed out loud. Captain Hook loved a challenge. 

"Alright crew listen up! Theres a new curse in town and our latest job is to outrun that bitch. If anyone of you decides to disagree with me and be a coward, I suggest you get the hell out of my ship and get yourself sent back to that bloody land without magic. As for the rest of you, we got no time to lose. Pack your bags and prepare yourselves for one hell of a ride." He grinned at the looks of alarm on their faces. He didn't care about the risk. He didn't care about dying or losing men or how in the world he was going to outrun a bloody curse. He cared about emma. And just the thought of seeing her once again fueled his desires and there was nothing standing in his way of getting to her. He felt his heart beating rapidly and euphoria in his veins. Fate was giving him another chance and bloody hell he was not going to let this slide away. Just the thought of seeing Emma again, working with her, having another opportunity with her was beyond what he had craved for the past year.


	2. Onto the real task

Are we done or should we leave you behind?" Captain Hook bellowed to the little man scurrying towards his ship carrying with him the last sack of food for their journey. He tried not to smile, but he was not sure if it worked. He could not help himself, he had been feeling giddy and unnecessarily joyful since he had gotten the letter a few hours ago, though he tried his best not to make it obvious. 

   "You were right captain, word in the market has it that a new sorceress has conquered the royal castle, and I bet me coins she is the one behind this new curse you speak of." Mr. Smee smiled displaying his row of blackened teeth. 

  Hook nodded, and jogged towards the back of the ship to start it sailing.

"Alright! Everybody listen up! Now that we've got all that we need, we've got no time to waste. The curse isn't going to wait for us to leave so I suggest you all get it together and focus on getting us out of its premises."

They nodded in unision and scrambled on to their respective jobs.

  "I like your determination captain. You... must really hate the land without magic to show such a level of resolution at escaping the curses effects." Hook glanced at the crew member who was speaking- fredrick and noticed with a painful stab of guilt the pride dripping from his eyes as he walked towards the center to prepare the mast.

He had kept the true purpose of their journey- rescuing Emma- a secret, mainly because his crew would most likely agree with him to escape an incoming curse rather than aid him save a woman they know nothing about. And besides, he had enough on his platter than to watch them perceive him as a lovesick fool. 

   "Word has it captain hook has gone soft." Black beard had drawled that night on the ship. His last night. He recalled how his crew had looked at him uneasily. It was not him being in love that surfaced their doubts,  rather it was the idea of him acting the way people do when they were madly in love; gooey, cliche, absurd. Sure he had been in love with Milah, and his relationship was there for them to observe, but after her murder Hook had adopted a kind of hardness and brutality that he came to be identified for. Losing his most prized qualities meant losing the trust of his crew, and though he absolutely despised lying to them, he had no choice. He was responsible for protecting them, and maybe that was enough. He was their captain after all.

   The familiar gush of wind snapped him out of his reverie, and he grasped the wooden wheel to anchor his ship away from the port. Away from his land. He looked back one last time and tried to memorize the picture in his head. The dock, with its flurry of wooden barrels and ropes, the floor, corroded and worn out gleaming under the water oozing on the surface. The gentle chatter of men making their way to their respective ships. The faint outline of the bar just beyond the dock, where he had spent countless nights drowning his grief in bottles of rum and indulgence in gambling. He didn't experience the deep ache of loss he had anticipated, rather he felt sort of relieved. Relieved at leaving his old life behind, putting his past behind himself, sailing away from the place that offered him nothing but emptiness and the promise of shallow and temporary bliss. He must really love Emma to leave behind everything just to rescue her, when she might not even love him back. Strangely, he felt as if he owed it to her to give her memories back. She had given them up for the sake of the boy. If he let this opportunity pass, he would never live with himself knowing that he could have saved her, gone back to her but chose not to. He realised he didn't want to be that man.

   Hook looked ahead at the sea, and watched the sun dip into the water, the streaks of red and yellow dotting the sky, felt the wind slap against his body as he sailed away from his home. He never felt happier.  
\------------------  
Killian gazed at the rough waves rhythmically lashing against the base of the ship. It had been two days since their departure from the Enchanted Forest and gradually his giddiness had faded into thinly veiled impatience. What if it was all a clever trick? A shrewd manipulation to throw him off his heels? Another plan to sabotage his ship? 

Much as he wanted to be a hero sweeping in to save Emma in the nick of time, he couldn't shake of his suspicions. He was a pirate and it was in his blood. That was the worrying part. Were his dozes of practicality overshadowing his ability to take a leap of faith?

Hook sighed and heard Mr. Smee approaching him. There was a slight skip in his step that was not there before. His entire crew had been quite light hearted and... happy. As if a lethal curse was enough to restore their sense of purpose. Also, he suspected it was due to the massive change in his demeanor, though he tried to be as non cholant about it as possible. 

"C.. captain..." he panted (so he had mistaken his dash across the ship as a jovial stride) "the men have... spotted it. The curse. Its... coming at a... tremendous pace." He paused to take a breath, then continued to ramble "we have to sail the ship as fast as she goes, otherwise..." he trailed off and gulped. The sudden burst of chaos around the ship, and the terror oozing out of Mr. Smee was enough to confirm the credibility of his statement. The letter was no bluff.

Killian ran back towards the ship.There was nothing but water thoroughly bordering the ship, with the utterly blue and cloudless sky stretching before them. Then, a haze of purple, slowly materializing into a gigantic cloud rapidly conquering the sky. He felt his heart drop into his stomach and at the moment he was paralyzed with utmost fear. Then, his instincts took over and he felt himself darting towards the sail, pulling himself against his crew and throwing his utmost effort in the task. The wind almost threw him off balance, but he was glad at the speed the ship was going. 

His body was accustomed to taking drastic action when they sailed right through a vigorous storm, and this was hardly any different. The floor of the jolly roger gleamed in the sun as he dashed across it to the wheel and roughly pushed one of his crew members- he didn't care who- off the handle. With his hands tightly clamped around it, he manouvered the ship towards the direction of the blaring wind and immediately felt the ship gain tremendous pace. He grinned, and glanced back to find himself in utter horror. The cloud had gained an impossible speed and continued to magically multiply and conquer more ground. He felt temporarily overwhelmed by the strength of the curse and stood frozen with his hand jammed on the wheel. 

The sun shone directly into his eyes and a picture of Emma appeared on the back of his lid like it always did when he closed them. Just the thought of seeing her again after tortorous months of thinking he never would had given him a reason to fight the curse, but it also brought out the bitter side of him.

Without any specific reason, his thoughts travelled back to his time with her in Neverland. How she had so relentlessly pushed him away, built a wall for protection from the heart break she had experienced with Neal. Much as Hook loved her, he wanted so desperately for her to know that he would never think about abandoning her. That she was the reason his life was worth living in the three hundred years he had occupied. His constant pursuit to woo her was far more rejuvenating than his desire for revenge. 

Bloody hell, why can't she see that? He had thought irritably. How could she not see the effort he was making to have her realize he was more than a bloody pirate trying to seduce her solely for his own pleasures. It made him so aggravated. He was willing to wait as long as Emma wanted, but her refusal to acknowledge the subject had continued to deeply incense him. And it seemed that fate was plotting against him as well.

Hook felt a swell of rage at the thought. Every single attempt of his was thwarted and quelled by one or another calamity that Emma had to deal with. His blood was beginning to boil. He had had enough of fate interfering in matters that were his to choose. 

He suddenly became aware of the speed of the curse ahead, another opportunity to strip his future with Emma, and without meaning to he screamed in frustration. Not this time he thought. Not this time.

"Loosen the sail as much as you can." He barked over the roaring wind. 

His crew gave each other tentative glances before fredrick spoke up. "But then we can't control where the ship goes. We might go too fast and we could... drown." Hook could see him suppressing a shiver. 

He stomped towards him and hissed "How many bloody times do I have to tell you." The death-like cloud was advancing too near. "I AM THE CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP. I MAKE THE DEMANDS AND YOU FOLLOW THEM. AM I UNDERSTOOD?!" Fredrick visibly shrank and scampered towards the sail. 

Hook huffed out a breath and half walked half jogged towards the supply cabin, almost falling off board by the unsteady pace of the ship. He was pretty sure his blood pressure had increased by a good few numbers, and now it was his anger at his destiny for always snatching away his happy endings gaining control over his senses. It clouded his vision, conquered every part of his brain and further fueled his desire to escape this damned fate.

He snatched the sacks of food so roughly they almost tore and tossed them out of the ship without a backward glance. The less supplies weighing the ship down, the better His crew stared at him slack jawed but did not dare to utter a word.

"Get back to work you fools!" He barked over his shoulder. After throwing away half the food stack and other unnecessary objects he ran to the upper deck to check the progress. 

"Bloody Hell." He muttered. The cloud was now a few feet from the ship, relentlessly hunting it down. But as he gazed at it closer, he realised the cloud had diminished to a third of its original size. Hook felt a glimmer of hope rise within him. "Come at me love!" He yelled in ecstasy. He never felt this good. 

The ship suddenly jerked, and he grasped the wheel to maintain his balance. An anguished cry reverberated in the air. He spun around just to witness Fredrick, with his dirt matted hair falling in his eyes and his usual toothy smile replaced by a scream drowned within himself, lose his balance and slam into the railing with bone shattering force. Before he could reach out to yank him away or even blink, he rolled over and tumbled into the depths of the water, light as a feather.

Hook stood frozen in his place, transfixed with horror. Fred was one of his most noble men. His untimely death was a great setback.

Much as he hated to move on from the subject- fredrick deserved to be remembered- he had to divert their attention to continue the task at hand. 

"I think the we're very close to escaping the curse's premises. Do not despair people. Fredrick was a hero and he will damn right be remembered for it. But for now I need your undivided attention." He.paused to make sure everybody was listening. "You all are required to put in utmost effort in the tasks you are doing. Loosen the mast, throw away all the unnecessary supplies, maintain your balance and fight this with me. Just a few more minutes and we will escape the fate that has damned all the people of our home, for we do not succumb to the plotting of the evil ones or bear the brunt of the war that is not ours to fight. Are you with me?!" The crew yelled in unision and thumped their fists in the air. His speech seemed to revive their spirits and each one continued their respective tasks with enlightened determination.

The ship was continously swaying and threatened to spill them off board any minute, but they held themselves, determined not to have Freds death in vain. Ice cold water constantly sprayed on them and soon Hook was drenched thoroughly. 

Suddenly, the cloud halted, three feet away from the ship and apparated into thin air. There was complete silence on the deck for a second, before everybody erupted into ear splitting cheers. Hook let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding, and sank down with his head in his hands, relief coursing through his veins.

He did it. He outran a curse. Killian was still slumped against the railing, its rough texture digging in his back with a goofy yet genuine smile plastered onto his face. It took a few minutes for the situation to settle in - screw that he would never get over it in his life - he had outrun a curse. A bloody curse. The words kept repeating themselves in his head. He was still filled with amazement at his incredible feat and the fact that he was capable of achieving the unachievable accomplishment. He took solace in the fact that finally he could have his happy ending with Emma. Finally he had surpassed his long built reputation of being a "typical pirate", one that instilled distrust and self preservation. This, more than anything, would ensure that he was once again capable of loving and sacrificing. He was not empty anymore but flooded with affection, one that was rusty but needed to be refined by Emmas love. 

Now all that was left was to find a port and somehow a portal to send him back to the land without magic. Hook felt his bouts of immense pride begin to drain out from him. The difficult part was yet to come.

The sail flapped vigorously in the wind above a small but rowdy crowd of pirates creating quite a ruckus which they claimed was a celebration. John, a startlingly fair man with an abundance of freckles sheltered on his cheeks and a good 6'2 in height, staggered towards Hooks personal little spot with a rusty bottle of half finished rum dangling from his fingers. "Drink have a captain!" He shouted towards the sea, even though Hook was sitting less than a feet from him. 

He got up and clapped John loudly on his back. "Thats enough drinking for one day love." Before he could protest Hook reached ahead and snatched the bottle from his hand. If this was how drunk the rest of his crew had gotten then the ship would easily drown without the generous aid of the curse. 

He made his way towards the rowdy band who, to his dismay, were scattering around the ship, no doubt to create more havoc. John was leaning heavily on his shoulder and on any normal day he would have pushed him off, maybe threatened to have him walk the plank for his display of lax attitude. But this was not a normal day and Hook was willing to let his behavior pass. He was feeling too damn great to let a few drunk crew members ruin his mood. 

As soon as spotting him approaching their little drunk haven, the pirates raised their glasses of rum in various directions with a humorous lack of synchronization and yelled "To captain Hook!" before gulping it down. Hook laughed, he owed it to them to have a little fun, especially after they had done a brilliant job escaping the curse. There it was again, the feeling of immense pride glowing throughout his body. It would be a great injustice to their victory if it was not pursued by a celebration.

"If you insist." He grinned slyly and swiped the bottle slipping from Mr. Smee who was more preoccupied with twirling his moustache. Hook swung John into the crowd and silently thanked God for not reaching this level of drunkenness. 

Even the waves around them had settled down and the ship was pleasantly sailing quite smoothly under a pink sky with a tinge of orange coloring the clouds, awaiting sunset. After ensuring that Will, guarding the wheel, was in his senses Hook poured the rum into his flask, once a spotless steel with a glossy layer of leather now fraying at the edges with several coatings of rust. He raised it to his mouth, feeling the cool touch of it against his lips as the liquid oozed out of the flask. By now he was used to the bitter-sweet taste of the rum and he gulped it down in generous amounts. Immediately he was engulfed by a warm feeling originating from his stomach. As usual, he felt his mind begin to open and become more alert to the surroundings. He felt bubbles of joy emenating from within himself, but kept it well under control as learned from years of experience, 308 to be exact. 

Hook straightened his posture to begin his victory speech but took one good look at the state of his crew members, staggering and slipping on rum flowing out of broken bottles on the floor, and thought better of it. However, even years of experience could not rub out old habbits; he felt the desire to flaunt his accomplishment surfacing. Hook strided over to Will who was serenely gazing ahead with his hands brushing against the wheel. He was the youngest member of the crew and though he had many short comings, Hook was glad he had the good sense not to indulge in the drunken festivities. 

"What's the matter love, are they out of rum? I see plenty lying around." Hook asked, leaning against the railing.

"Id rather stay sober." He replied solemnly, his grey eyes fixed in a stony gaze towards the sea.

Hook chuckled to himself and peered down to study his expression. "Well it's certainly good to know you're not as thick as these bloody idiots." He motioned to the crowd now gathered around the mast giving each other piggy back rides (and failing miserably).

Will hesitated and finally met Hooks eyes. "Its... not that." He bit his lower lip and once again avoided his gaze. "Its just that...." he took a deep breath as if mustering up some courage and with a rather stiff voice said "Fred deserves to be remembered. They shouldn't be celebrating or drinking or anything." His voice cracked at the end but he continued, his scarred lips pressed in a taut line "They should be mourning his death. Was that all he was worth? Is that how much they cared about him?" He turned to look at Hook straight in the eye and he was amazed by the intensity coloring them. Hook knew that Will and Fred shared a close companionship and he couldn't blame his intentions.

"For what its worth, Fred will always be remembered. Especially by me. But lad, let me tell you something." Hook stepped closer to Will and put a hand on his shoulder "You're still a boy. You haven't been on this ship long enough. These men have lived through many tragedies, seen many a man die in their own arms." Wills jaw clenched and Hook changed tact "Im not saying the death of a friend is not painful, but mourning over it leads to our own destruction."

"But that doesn't mean-" he began, pushing his hand off his shoulder,  his metallic eyes ablaze.

"They..." Hook interrupted in a soft voice "honored his death by trying their best to escape the curse. These people have learned to move on after a short phase of mourning, because there is no other way of resuming their lives."

Will raised his hand to tame his dirty blonde hair that had been ruffled by the wind, with a scowl on his face. Teenagers and their mood swings, he thought with a roll of his eyes. Realizing he wasn't going to convince him anytime soon, and Will did need some time to mourn, Hook turned around and walked towards the lower cabin, keeping his exasperation at bay. He still needed to figure out how to break in the real purpose of the mission to his crew- finding Emma- and a quiet place was required. 

   "Wait!" Will yelled at his back. Hook furrowed his brows and groaned, his self control slipping by the minute. He spun around. 

  "Lass, you need to calm yourself down."

  Will halted in his tracks. "Im not as young as I look. Stop treating me like a child!" He snapped. 

   "If you want to throw the orders around here, be my guest and see how many people care to listen." He hissed, earning unnecessary roars of laughter from John and James nearby.

  Will reddened. He stood there for a second, most probably concocting a smartass reply, with his nostrils flaring. Hook leaned against the railing, purposely sporting a cocky grin and raised eyebrows. If the kid thought he could outsmart the captain, he was a fool.

  "Fine." He muttered finally. "If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I'll just go." And with that he stomped off to the wheel, flushed.

  Hook stared after him. What was with kids these days? That was exactly the kind of attitude that would have gotten him killed when he was a child. 

"Are you sure about that?" He drawled. "Come on love. Don't let a little banter get you down." He winked at his back. 

Will turned around "You're right. I should stay focused. Im sorry." He shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I won't fool around until we find Emma."

   Hook froze and felt all the blood draining out of his face. His hands felt clammy while he glanced around to make sure nobody had overhead. He had never mentioned Emma to anybody, not a single soul. The corner of Wills mouth twitched into a smirk. The look of absolute bewilderment must have been quite obviously painted on his face. Will had succeeded in getting under his skin.

   Hook leapt towards him, arm outstretched and grasped his collar, pushing him roughly against the side of the ship. Will winced at the impact, but Hook knew he hadn't hurt him seriously. He shoved his arm against Will's chest, restraining his squirming body.

   "Who" he spat at his face "told you about Emma." Wills eyes widened and he could feel his heart beating thunderously under his arm.

"You did." He blurted out, but the panic in his eyes was enough to convey that he was bluffing. 

Despite himself, Hook laughed and jammed his stomach with his elbow.

"Nice try kid. Now tell me the truth or ill make you, and it won't be pleasant let me tell you."

Wills face paled, the rims of grey in his eyes visibly diluted. He whimpered and choked in a low, hoarse voice "Emma wouldn't want you to do this. Im just a kid."

Hook inhaled a sharp breath and released his grip. Will sank to his knees and gulped down air, massaging his chest all the while.  The sudden mention of Emma had adrenaline coursing through his veins. The kid was right. What was happening to him? Just the thought of Emma catching even a glimpse of how he acted made him nauseous. He looked around to make sure nobody had noticed their "conversation" and for once he was glad at the drunken state of most of the crew. They hadn't heard a thing.

   Hook waited for Will to recover himself. Other than a bruise on his arm and a semi-traumatic experience, he had suffered nothing. Once he was on his feet, Hook guided him to the lower cabin and shut the door behind them. Will backed into a corner and shrank onto the bench, hugging his knees; eyes wide and blonde hair a mess. 

   "So lass, assuming nothing happened back there" he raised an eyebrow to make sure that was clear and Will nodded between deep breaths. "Im gonna ask you one last time. How do you know about Emma?"

"Y.. you told me."

"If you give me that crap one more ti-"

"I knew her before the curse!" He blurted out, further shrinking within himself.  When he didn't elaborate,  Hook felt his rage rising again, and struggled to prevent it from resurfacing. He took a calming breath.

"Ever thought about mentioning that to me?" He glared at him and Will hugged his knees tighter.

"What do you know about her? Spit it out." Hooks mind was clouding with fury. Will tried to still his shaking hands and squeaked. 

"Dont be mad at me."

He bared his teeth. Will jumped in his spot and began rambling. "I used to go the same school as Henry back im storybrooke. We both volunteered for social work after school and that's how we got to know each other. After everybody got their memories back, we became closer and Henry used to tell me about a lot of stuff that he went through. When he disappeared with Greg and Tamara I was worried sick. 

"I heard a certain Captain was helping his mom to rescue him, but I didn't know it was you at that time. When he came back and switched back into his body, he told me all about his time in Neverland. I remember that time; He was so worried but acted so brave. What bothered him was how his mother might have been interested in someone else- you- even though he wanted her to be with his dad. I don't know who told him about that, but he is a smart kid so I wouldn't put it past him.

"We didn't get to talk much because of Pans curse, although I really wish we did, but I was transported here along with everybody else. I haven't seen or heard about him since." Will gazed wistfully out of the window, nostalgia causing him to forget about his fear. 

Hook blinked and tried to process what he just heard. Will was in storybrooke? He made sure none of his crew members had been from there or were, in any way, associated with the Charmings. How did he miss Wills back story? He racked his brain for an explanation, but came up with none.

"You still haven't told me why you kept this a secret."

Hook diverted his gaze from the window and met Hooks eyes, his own glassy. "I don't have a family here. My father left my mother before I was born and my mother died of cancer a few years after we were transported to storybrooke. When we came back, and everybody was settled in their homes, I thought about what Henry told me, how you risked your life for him. After coming to the docks to see the man for myself, I decided I could be a pirate since there was no other option open for me. Here I am." He chuckled weakly.

"And you conveniently forgot to mention this to me." 

Will frowned. He shifted his position and started playing with the hem of his shirt.

"After I found out that nobody knew about your love for Emma, and you were specifically denying the Enchanted Forest residents from joining your crew, I knew you I had no chance to get on board, so I..."

"Lied." Hook finished for him.

"Well atleast you know the truth now." He mumbled rather inaudibly, chewing the inside of his cheek.

Hook sat down opposite him.

"I need some time to process this."


	3. For Old Times Sake

Kilians head was buried in his hands.

"But how old are you? Henry is half your age."

"He's only three years younger than me and I told you we met at the after school volunteer program!" Will gritted his teeth.

"But why you? Why would he - and I quote you- "confide his deepest problems to the only beacon of hope in his life." ?" Hook was too drained out to infuse any amount of sarcasm into his question. They had been at this for nearly two hours and his head was pounding with an overload of information. 

Will's eyes flashed. "Because im a good listener! Is that really so hard to believe? "

Hook massaged his temple. "Which fairytale character are you again?"

Will jumped from his bench. "None!" He yelled, his hands flapping around. "Not everybody gets that luxury you know!" He ran a hand through his hair. "Look if i'm going to repeat everything ive said, i'd rather leave."

"Don't push it." Will groaned and sunk back onto the bench with a thump. Hook wanted to punish the kid, to make him realize that if he lied, he suffered the consequences, but at the same time he wanted to absorb all the information he had and punishing him would only tighten that stubborn mouth. "You haven't told any of the crew?" 

"No sir." 

Hook narrowed his eyes. "That's supposed to make me feel better, given your track record of lying."

Will clenched his jaw. "Thats entirely up to you." 

Hook suppressed the urge to smack him across the face and asked "And what caused this sudden break in the lie fest? I mean, did you have sudden urges to sabotage your entire plan? " Will shot a weak smile and began playing with the hem of his shirt, his cheeks coloring. 

"I don't know. It just came out."

That was enough. He wanted to atone for overpowering Will earlier, but the only way he would give Hook what he wanted was to intimidate him.

Hook stood up and slowly walked towards where he was perched. Immediately, Will's face straightened up. Hook took advantage of the swooping distance in their heights and towered over him. "Say that again love." He hissed

Wills smile faltered and his ears turned scarlet. With a twisted expression inhabiting his face, he mumbled. "I was angry and I wanted to piss you off." His face was redder than Hook's vest.

Hook threw his head back and laughed. "Great display of maturity lass." He wiped his eye for fake tears. The vein in Wills temple was close to popping. 

"Anger gets the best of-" Will was cut off by the cabin door swinging open and John peering from the door. He looked around in perplexity, Will with his flushed cheeks and Hook in fits of laughter. What a convenient time for them to get sober.

"Uhm.... we've spotted a port a few hundred metres south-west of the ship. Should we land there?" He asked uneasily. 

"I'll come out in a minute." Hook answered John. He turned to Will and poked a finger in his chest. "We aren't done here." Muttering something about hurting people's feelings, Will fled from the room at the speed of light. 

He made his way to the wheel and sure enough, there was a tiny speck of green just beyond the horizon. The perfect place. Soon he was going to reunite with Emma and he felt a jolt in his stomach at the thought. One year of living without her, forcing himself to discard the idea of ever seeing her again and now here he was. He knew he should have been devising a plan about how to restore her memories, she was much too smart than to accept a drink from a stranger, but the thought of coming face to face with her was overwhelming and he couldn't get past what he would say to her, or how she would look. God, he wanted to run his hands through those soft blonde locks.

One of his earliest concerns of continuing his life in the enchanted forest was him forgetting how Emma looked like. Though his memory was spot on, time made it hazy, blurring the details, not capturing the sharpness. He fretted over remembering Emma only the way he saw her, not how she was in reality. She was incredible, entangled in all kinds of layers, presenting herself just as the situation called for. Every encounter with her revealed a layer he never thought existed. She was a complexity of diverse values- hard and brutal hunting down her son in Neverland, intense and compassionate persuading Hook to return the magical bean, fierce and unsparing during their duel in the enchanted forest, motherly and kind with Henry.

Hook recalled his first night after Pan's curse, the memory of her car driving off into the world mercilessly replaying in his head. He had been infuriated. She had broken his heart, crushed his desires, led him on, kissed him on the mouth and went on with her life. Now, he realised how irrational his fury was, he couldn't put a deadline on Emma for falling in love with him. She needed time, and space.

A few minutes passed by as the ship sailed towards the dock. Hook's head was still throbbing and the ship was sailing too slow for his liking. He yawned, and decided to take a quick nap. He dragged himself to the lower deck and plopped onto his bed. However, sleep prevailed him. Now that they were close to landing, his mind began to panic. How would he find the magical bean? And even if he did find it, how in the world would he pay off the debt? The only possible way was to plan a robbery.

Hook felt himself grinning. He spent the remaining hours conjuring up several ways to steal the bean and run for it. What he anticipated most was encountering Emma, and though the logical part of his brain argued that she would not remember him, that Regina's magic was far too thorough to sport glitches, there was a part of him that hoped against hope she would atleast have a glimmer of recognition. It would be too heartbreaking for him to come face to face with her and have her see right through him.

*******

Hook was perched at the bench of a shanty bar, suspicously prodding at the pieces of untouched meat with his fork. The food there needed a sanitary check or two. The door of the bar swung open and Mr. Smee bustled in, panting heavily and adjusting his rust colored cap. He scooted to sit opposite Hook, and leaned in until they were a breath away from each other. 

"Personal space Mr. Smee." Hook grimaced, sliding away from him. Mr. Smee's eyes were bulging feverishly, and he glanced around to make sure nobody was paying attention to them. 

Satisfied with their invisibility, he whispered "I've found it. The bean!"

Hook abandoned his fork and it fell on the plate with a clutter.

"Excellent work lad." He flashed a grin and smacked him on the back. Mr. Smee flushed at the comment and continued in a hushed tone.

"They're selling it at the shop right behind the docks. Although-" his brows furrowed "they haven't told me the price. Said they need to meet with you."

"Who says we're going to pay for it?" Hook winked. 

"I... don't think that's possible. " Hook pushed his plate away and dropped a few coins for the payment. 

"Aren't you going to eat Captain?"

"That's not food. Its poison. Tastes bloody well like it."

They made their way towards the shop, Mr. Smee going as fast as his miniature legs would allow. They approached a musty auburn door. Hook pushed the door with his foot and it creaked open into utter darkness, save the candle flickering at the only table in the room. "You couldn't find a shadier place." Hook gritted to Mr. Smee. 

Suddenly, a ragged hand reached out of the darkness and dragged the candle towards the center, and slowly his face got illuminated. Hook felt a wave of shock coursing through his body, making him rigid, unable to register what he just saw. His eyes widened and he took a step back, gripping Mr. Smee's arm by his hook. This couldn't be happening. He was dead. Hook remembered it so clearly, regretted it every passing moment since it occurred. He had tied his arms himself, pushed him off the plank himself, and yet he sat there leering at them. 

In his hazy situation, he glanced at Mr. Smee to extract some- any sense of the situation, but his face was a painting of different emotions playing over - from surprise to horror to guilt to horror again. He was also unaware of this development. Hook whipped his head back at the man who now sat scrutinizing their reaction as if it was completely uncalled for, as if he hadn't just come back from the dead.

"Blackbeard." His whisper echoed around the room. It was all he could state amidst this bizzare and unnatural situation. 

Blackbeard rolled his eyes and shot a lazy smile.

"So you're interested in acquiring the bean from me?"

"Now hold on." He glared at Blackbeard, struggling to maintain a firm grip on his sanity, which was slipping faster than running water. "I threw you in the ocean.With your hands tied. I watched the water like a hawk, you didn't resurface." He paused "Theres no way you could have survived."

"And yet here I am." He stated blandly with a flick of his hand.

"How?" Hook choked out.

"Must we go into the details? Id rather we make our transaction and part our separate ways." 

Hook stared at him for a few minutes, slack jawed, trying to sort out his jumble of thoughts, but the more he thought about it, the more his brain got muddled with more questions and absolutely no sense of what was going on.

And yet, he was so sure of his deed. Ariels words were enough to ring in his head and remind him every time of what a despicable man he was. He had relived the moment more times than he cared to admit, and though he regretted it immensely, no force on Earth could prepare him for this bombshell.

"Can I have a word with Mr. Smee for a second?" Before Mr. Smee could protest, he gripped his shoulder and dragged him out of the room. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING." He growled, gripping his collar, their face inches away from each other. Hook could feel the heat flowing off his face.

Mr. Smee was inhaling ragged breaths and he shook his head, incapable of speaking. 

"Bloody hell." Hook ran a hand through his hair. He fisted his knuckles and punched the wall. What had he gotten himself into? "We're going back in there and refusing his deal. No good comes from that man." 

This time Mr. Smee squeaked out an inaudible "No."

Hook clenched his jaw, his nerves on fire. "Well what do you suggest we do?!" He spat.

Mr. Smee swallowed and choked out "I've searched for hours. Nobody else sells beans." 

"Search harder!"

"I've tried!" His voice caught in his throat but he continued. "This shop was my last attempt. And when I came here there was another man and he didn't mention a thing about Blackbeard."

"Ofcourse he won't you bloody fool." Hook let out a torrent of swear words, unable to keep them bottled in.

"But Captain if you dont want to buy the bean, lets not do it and keep searching. I mean, there's no hurry!"

"There is!" Hook barked at him. His temper was flaring and he needed to get things back in control, and arguing with him did not prove useful. 

Hook barged into the room. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and if he had to trade with Blackbeard to get to Emma, so be it.

"Name your price."

Blackbeard lips turned up. "I'd thought you'd never ask. Your ship."  
Hook laughed, despite himself. 

"Quite obsessed with my ship aren't we." He raised an eyebrow, but inside, his mind was screaming. Not the ship. Not the ship. Surely, Blackbeard must be bluffing, holding a high end of the bargain just from the start to obtain a standard deal. But he couldn't ward off his inner voice, one that persistently battled against his optimistically reassuring thoughts that Blackbeard might be many things; arrogant, boastful, self-centered, bathed in phony facade; but he was not one to beat around the bush.

"Not to your likes I assure you." He drawled. Hook's breath hitched in his throat. He was being serious. He could tell from his brisk tone and stiff posture. This was no nemesis-banter going on. He had to give up his ship.

Hook swallowed the lump in his throat, and with the most cocky voice he could muster, replied "I see you still haven't gotten over not owning your own vessel." Maybe if he stalled long enough, Blackbeard would come up with another tradeable item.

Ridiculing his piracy seemed to set him off. Blackbeard's nostrils flared, and he leaned forward on the table, elbows propped on either side. He slammed his fist on the table, making it shake violently. "What I aim to achieve is none of your business." His eyes flashed, and for a second his face, illuminated by the flicker of the candle light, seemed utterly terrifying. Instinctively, Hook took a step back. Blackbeard's expression suddenly relaxed. His brows un-furrowed themselves, his jaw was no longer clenched and the artificial coolness had seeped back into his eyes. He leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two legs and smirked, as if he hadn't just lost his temper a mere second ago.

"If you're not willing to make the transaction, good luck finding yourself beans."

Hook felt a constriction in his chest at the thought of not utilizing this opportunity to get back to Emma, but at the same time the very thought of losing his ship was unbearable. He couldn't be a pirate without a ship, after all.

Blackbeard rolled his eyes at the conflict Hook was going through. "Tu tu tu. I knew you had gotten soft captain." Hook clenched his fist and stormed out of the room. "Come back when you make up your mind. Unless the beans already sold, its in quite a high demand and I only have limited number of them. One to be precise." Blackbeard called after him.

Hook heaved a breath and collapsed against the wall once he had slammed the door shut. He fisted his hands in his hair. Why he thought. Why was it always so difficult for him to rescue Emma, to try to act selfless for once but end up in such situations. It drove him to the point of madness. 

So this was the choice he was given. It was either his ship, or going back to Emma. It wasn't much of a choice. He felt venom in his veins instead of blood at the thought of Blackbeard playing him like this, holding the two things he loved the most and twisting them in his grip, watching him chase after both like a dog chasing it's own tail. 

He found himself being torn between the choice. He would definitely give up everything he owned to have Emma love him, but that was the question. Would she love him when he came back? Or would she continue pushing him away? In that case, was it really worth sacrificing his ship? The same ship in which he had lived for three hundred years, lost his brother, become a pirate, fall in love with Milah, plot his revenge. His life revolved around the ship. If Emma wouldn't love him back, if the charmings did not accept him, what would he have to come back to? Isn't Regina the one who said villians don't get happy endings? 

No. Hook couldn't believe that. No matter what, he stood by what he had replied to her. "I hope not. Or we've wasted our lives."

He pictured Emma's face, the last time he had seen her. Her Emerald eyes, usually ablaze with resolution, were glassy with tears. Her blonde hair was flying by her side. Her cheeks were flushed by the biting cold and yet, even in this situation, the most vulnerable Emma had presented herself to be, watching the people she loved most and realizing she could never see them again, he could see her on the brink of unraveling and yet she was still the bravest woman he had ever known.

He had walked up to her, at a complete loss for what to say. Instead, he said what he did best, a joke. "That's quite the vessel you captain there swan." She had smiled weakly and finally lifted her gaze to meet his. At that moment, with those green eyes glistening with tears, the lips restraining sobs that threatened to escape any minute, he wanted nothing more than to crush her in an embrace and tell her it was going to be ok. That she was far too strong to crack under such pressure, that the harder fate was against her, the more fiercely she retaliated. In reality, his own heart was breaking, his eyes were frantically darting around her face to memorize her in her true glory; the curve of her lips, her plump cheeks, the hollow of her neck, the great blonde hair scissoring down to her waist. Instead, he let his defense fall apart. He no longer had the strength to hold it together anymore. He needed to tell her how much she meant to him.

"There's not a day that will go by when I won't think of you." Hook could feel the tears in his own eyes. He wanted her so bad.

"Good." She had replied. His heart had done a somersault. She was accepting his feelings, allowing herself to be loved and remembered. Which was why it was made all the more painful. Hook turned around, not wanting to have an emotional breakdown, not willing to make it more tedious on her than it already was. 

"What's it going to be then sir?" Mr. Smee whispered, snapping him out of his reverie. Hook had forgotten about his presence. He raised his face, and to his shock, there was a steady tear trickling down his own cheek. "Are... are you okay captain?"

Hook shook his head. The deep ache of loss had once again inhabited his chest, extinguishing the traces of hope that were present. His pain, raw and bare, came rushing back to him, and once again hopelessness washed over him like a tidal wave.

Mr. Smee scratched his chin thoughtfully. "You're homesick aren't you." Hook wanted to laugh, despite himself. It was the other way around. He was sick of his home. He opened his mouth to reply, but something in the way Mr. Smee was looking at him caught his attention. It was so familiar. He sat on the barrel with his knees huddled against his chest, his red cap drooping down to his shoulder, but with an empty, almost monotone expression. 

"Are you homesick?" Mr. Smee nodded.

With a pang, Hook realised that was exactly the state he was in less than a week ago. No hope or joy, just the endless strip of bare and meaningless days to look forward to. He'd be damned if he got to that state again. Ship or no ship, he'd still be mellow, there was no denying that.

"Well, I am too." He said. His home wasn't back at the enchanted forest, and no matter how many times he tried to deny it, it was with Emma and the bloody charmings. 

His mind suddenly jumped back to the time Emma had stated "I thought you didn't care about anyone but yourself." 

"Maybe I just needed reminding that I could."This was that reminder, that he was capable of love. He didn't have to be that ruthless pirate, one at who people cast distrustful looks and loathsome assumptions. This would finally free him from the handcuffs that were restraining him from breaking away from his reputation. He was more than capable of loving, and if he was willing to give up everything for his brother and Milah, albeit three centuries ago, he sure as hell knew he had it within himself to do it for Emma, whom he loved with a far greater intensity. 

The crocodile had advised Emma, on the same day. "You have to take a leap of faith." Hook realized, this was his chance to take his leap of faith. It wouldn't be fair on Emma that she was alloted a chance to have her memories restored and reunite with her family only for him to be an asshole and take that away.

He had told Baelfire that he was in this for the long haul. Whether it took Emma years to love him back, he had to remain true to his words and stand by her. 

He wanted to prove to Emma that he could win her heart without any trickery like everybody expected. "It will be because you want me." 

He had regretted every single day how he had deprived Ariel of her happy ending. This could be his way of atoning. Maybe fate was on his side this time. Just the fact that he was given the opportunity to be Emma's "Savior" was not worth passing away at any cost. Even if that cost meant giving up his ship, the identity of his moniker as a pirate. He had to wrestle against his reputation, maybe the only way to being that person was to snap all ties linking him to the man he used to be, a pirate. And that tie, bound so intricately but deeply, was his ship.

Hook got up slowly and barged into the room. 

"Make it quick."


End file.
